Do I have ADD or is it my Generation?

     So I'm working on a giant paper that shall be the bane of my existence until it is complete, but I've noticed that lately I just can't focus for more than fifteen minutes at a time. Even when I can get those fifteen minute bursts to line up and form more than 45 minutes, there are three things I have to have on hand: 1. A cup of hot tea, 2. A clean working environment, and 3. My earbuds and music. The first two are more necessary when I want to sit down for more than twenty minutes, but the third is necessary for any work to be done. My question is: Why can't I work unless I block out the world with music?
     When my brother was little, his teacher wanted him to be checked out for ADHD (Attention-Deficit/ Hyperactivity Disorder)--he was seven and hyperactive as any seven-year-old boy is--the doctors concluded no, but a couple of the symptoms of ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) linked with some of the behaviors that both my sister and I have been experiencing in the last couple years at college. Mainly the inability to focus for longer periods of time. Now, none of the doctors I've seen have said anything about having ADD, but I've noticed that when I can't hear the world around me, it's easier to focus. I've also noticed that I'm not the only one this works for.
     You can take a look at nearly any college library to find students listening to music while they study. This is the same group of students that can text and walk, listen to the television and hold a conversation, and play a video game while socializing with friends. Multi-tasking seems to be what we've been trained to do. I can keep track of four conversations at once, as long as I'm not actively involved in any of them, but why can't I just sit in a quiet room--even if I have my cup of tea and clean environment--and get anything done?
     There are a couple theories circulating that propose this inability to work without extraneous stimuli is a result of the multi-tasking my generation has been asked to do from such a young age. So why is my generation so different? We grew up with the computers, with the internet and all the flashing colors trying to get your attention, we have our portable music devices and our phones that all keep us going going going, and we've had them since we were little.
     I wonder about the children who are already experiencing what I've started going through in the last couple years: the lack of concentration without stimulation, what are they going to do in fifteen years when it all starts getting more pronounced? Will we have to have those sci-fi technologies where the computer display is in your head, just so the everyday person has enough background brain stimulation to focus on the foreground?
     Whatever happens, I just hope we realize that we're doing this to ourselves and our kids. Take the time to turn off all the electronics and interact with real people: they're way more stimulating and it eases the go-go-go of the brain.

Just a thought...
Stephie

Existentialism

     Nearly everyone I've talked to about existentialism has been confused about it. I'm a little confused how they can be so confused. From what I understand it's just the belief that existence is created from the choices and experiences of a person. Every person has the right to make their own decisions--this is where liberty and freedom come into it--and if a person doesn't have the freedom to make their own choices you're experiencing oppression. That's my understanding.
     Part of it though is a willingness to live with the consequences of your actions. I think that's where people get confused. We talk about how life isn't fair and how bad things happen to good people, which is true, but at the same time it's because the good people take responsibility for their actions that bad things happen to them. People I've classified as 'bad' in my life have had the tendency to let other people take the blame for their mistakes and missteps. And I've noticed that because the other people (the good people) are more willing to take the blame, even when it doesn't belong on their shoulders, the people I've always labelled 'bad' don't have to take responsibility for themselves.
     What happens when the 'good' people no longer are willing to take responsibility for someone else's actions? I like the ideas put forth by the school of Existentialism, for the most part, they make the world make sense.

Just a thought....
Stephie

Perception

     Charles Bukowski once said something about the world being smeared with the color of forgotten love. I thought it was a beautiful image, but something about the color stayed in my head. What color is forgotten love? Is it a murky kind of purple, or a deep clear blue; maybe it's a rich red, the color of blood, or a rust red--dried blood.
     I'm working on my senior project, my capstone, and the theme is "Image + Words = Picture". This confusion about what color Bukowski's forgotten love is plays into this idea. Every single person makes a judgement when they see an image. The meaning derived from the image is connected directly to the  culturally agreed upon definitions and personal experiences of the viewer.
     There are things the brain filters out of what we see. The biggest example of this is your nose. It's always there, right in the middle of your vision, but you don't ever see it (well, unless something about it changes like a scratch or make-up). Your brain knows it's there, but it filters it out because there's so much more that you should see. I wonder if that is where the term "right under your nose" came from? You don't see it because your brain has erased it from what you realize you see.

Just a thought....
Stephie

Relationship Miscommunication

     So one of my really close friends was trying to talk to me about her boyfriend the other day. The boyfriend happens to be one of my friends from high school, so I know him reasonably well and don't really respond how she wants to her complaints about when he does the things that are truly unique to him. At first I just took it in stride--he's my friend and she's my friend, the two of them as a unit are my friends, not a huge deal.

     Apparently it's a much bigger deal than I thought. He and I decide to take a break from the shopping of a recent trip we made to visit her and go to dinner. We're sitting there in the pub in Portland, it was a really nice pub by the way, and he brings up that she complains to him that she can't gossip about him with me. I'm sitting there thinking, Well, duh, I've known you for about three years longer than I've known her, and he brings up the same point! I don't quite understand why it's such a big deal to everyone else that I know him as well as I do. We continue talking, and the girlfriend calls. She and my sister (who came down too) are done in the mall and want to know where we went, he gives them directions and they walk over. It's still not a big deal to either of us. 

     When they arrive she's obviously angry, or frustrated, or out of sorts with him and neither he nor I understand why. At first we just think it's that we didn't stay at the mall, then it's that he had a beer and she didn't want him anywhere near a car, then he suggested maybe jealousy; it wasn't until my sister explained that my friend's plans had been completely changed and taken out of her control that made her so out of sorts. I still don't know if he ever figured out what was going on with her, but they were pretty deep in conversation when we skedaddled. 

     My question is: how can something that is so small or innocent become a big enough deal to ruin one person's entire evening? I'm not a shopper and my friend and my sister are, he and I haven't had one-on-one time since they started dating and we were catching up. If we had known that she intended to continue with their double-date plans (even though the other couple had to cancel/postpone) the entire night would have turned out differently.

Just a thought....
Stephie

Lost Friends

     It's getting on toward graduation season again. All you high-schoolers and college kids know what that means: the loss of relationships. But why does it have to be that way? With Facebook, Twitter, e-mail, and all the other facets of the internet, why do we still lose all those friends? Were some of them just friends of convenience, or was it really just time to break off the connection? I had friends that I spoke to every day; we knew everything that was going on in each others' lives, but when school got out and we went our separate ways we just stopped talking.
     On the other hand, I've had some of the same friends for years--despite moving away, graduating high school, and going to schools in different states with different focuses. Is it just that our personalities matched better, or was there something else going on? I had a graduating friend promise to keep in touch, swears that he's not very good at it, but says he will. I know he'll try, but what methods would keep everything together?
     Was it easier to keep in touch back before all the social media of the internet when everyone had to think about keeping in touch and take the effort writing down thoughts, emotions, experiences in letters? My grandmother receives something like two letters every day from people she went to school with, or people she knew while she taught in Japan.
     Maybe what's happening is just a natural transition: as a person moves to different chapters in life, they give up friendships and relationships to create new ones. When we move from chapter to chapter, we change as individuals, and the friendships from one portion of life don't fit together with the new person from the new chapters.
     I've known my best friend for nearly sixteen years (a lifetime, I know) and when we meet up it's like nothing has changed. Recently she met one of my new friends from college. It was a strange arrangement: the friendship we've shared for years is much more innocent than the newer one, but we communicate on a deeper level for the most part. Not to say my newer friend and I don't talk about the "deep stuff", but it's done in a more immediate manner.
     I guess the question I'm grappling with is: what makes a friendship or relationship last? Is it the constant communication or a deeper connection? Is it all thing things two people have in common or is it just two personalities fitting together like puzzle pieces?

I don't know. It was just a thought....
Stephie

Elections!

     My parents have a saying: If you don't vote you can't bitch. When I was younger I didn't quite understand. Even if you don't vote you can still complain about what's going on... how does the statement work? But since I've gotten older I understand more what they meant rather than the words they were saying.
     When you vote, you have the ability to change the world, you can determine whether or not a law passes, who goes into office and what policies are important. Even a "no' vote is effective decision making and a contribution to the welfare of the world. If you don't make that choice to influence the world, you can't complain about what goes on it.
     Where the right to complain comes into play is when what you've voted, or put in your two cents on, is declined or doesn't go as planned. There are still limits in what you can do to change the world, but voting is the easiest way to get your thoughts out there and have some impact on the rest of the world.
     This year all I hear is the hype about how one candidate is worse than another and how their candidate is the best thing for the country (from both sides). What I want to hear is what they'll actually do; if they can get their plans implemented then there's more of a chance I'll actually care about what they're supposedly fighting for. However, I don't quite understand how each of the main candidates became more and more extreme while running for office. At the beginning of this mess they both sounded somewhat okay--they were more about the people's opinions than the party lines.
     With only four more days to figure this all out, I'm getting sick of both candidates' trash ads. It seems like every single place I go (television, radio, online, the newspaper) has some sort of ad bashing the other side and their politics. Why can't we just state what we want to do in government and get over the egos?
     Good Luck and go vote!

Just a thought....
Stephie